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Overcoming Fear
By Ria | November 16, 2008
Not too long ago, my youngest brother asked me how I overcome my fear. He asked me as his all-knowing, big sister, who so courageously left her cushy government job to start her own business. I hope I didn’t disappoint him when I responded that I didn’t necessarily overcome my fear. It just lives with me as each day while I continue to put one foot in front of the other. Of course I have my good days and my bad days, and the bad days can be really bad! That’s when I look for inspiration to motivate me forward. I have a belief that every action we take is either motivated by love or fear. So, it’s not so much that I conquer fear, it’s that I choose to base my decisions in love.
In my case, the question about overcoming fear related to my business, but he wanted to know because he was facing a different issue and a major decision for his life. What is it for you? Chances are, it’s the very thing that is paralyzing you — holding you back from doing what you know your soul yearns to do. For instance, why don’t we eat healthy knowing that we need to lose the extra weight? Why don’t we apply to the MBA program at that high-ranked school that will take our lives in a totally different direction? Why don’t we try adding a totally new ingredient to a recipe to “see what happens?” Why don’t we raise our hand in that seminar to ask our burning question? Why don’t we tell the person we have been dating that we love them or apologize for that argument we recently had? Instead we think: “No way! I can’t be the first!”
It started me thinking about why we fear trying new things or putting ourselves “out there.” We tell our children that they can do anything they want to do. We tell them that at least they have to try because “nothing beats a failure but a try,” right? Yet, by the time we reach adulthood, we barely believe those words ourselves. I think it was one of those famous motivational speakers who said that we aren’t afraid of failing; we are afraid that we will actually succeed. I suppose there are some circumstances where that saying is accurate, but I can tell you that in most instances, I’m afraid of failing.
So you want to know what I do to handle my fear? I ask myself: “What would love do?” Here are a few tricks of the mind I use to live in love:
1. I don’t believe you can make a “bad” decision. I look at everything that happens in life as a learning experience and I embrace it for what it has to offer. Kinda reminds me of that new movie coming out with Jim Carrey where they guy starts to say “yes” to everything and has a more fulfilled life. You can too!
2. I trust my inner intuition that it’s something I should do. If for some reason, I fall short of my goal, I regroup and find a workaround. I believe in the saying: “When God closes a door, He opens a window.” Believe it! I find that not getting what you want can lead you in a better direction and one that is more appropriate for you.
3. I TRY not to care what other people might think about me. Who do you live your life for anyway? The answer should be — for you! So who cares if someone thinks you are stupid for asking that question — ask anyway! I recently went to the arcade and competed with a 12-year old on the “Dance Revolution” game. Did I look uncoordinated? Probably. But, I didn’t care for a second whether other people were watching me or what they thought for that matter.
4. I find something to keep me motivated. I have a vision board in my office, I listen to motivational speakers, I read motivational books. Most recently, I have been listening to Obama speeches. Regardless of whether you voted for him or not, you have to admit that it took tremendous courage and vision to run for the highest office in the country, while the entire world watched!! Now, he is someone who can tell his children that they can do anything they want and believes it!
5. I seek out friends/colleagues who are going through the same things I am. Sometimes, you can find courage just knowing that you aren’t the only one who is afraid. When I talk about my issues or options with my friends, I always come away with more resolve about the situation. It’s not that they made the decision for me. Rather, it helps me remember #1 above! : )
Working through your fear is a great testament to loving yourself. Your turn! What do you do?
Copyrighted 2008. Ria Moore Benedict
Topics: journeys to self-love | 2 Comments »
November 18th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
So wise! Always a new perspective to life Ria! Thank you for your courage, and wisdom!
November 20th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
You give honest insight to the “courage” struggle. I like the range of examples you listed.