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Are You Living in the Past?
By Ria | April 23, 2008
As some of you may know, I am writing a book with my ex-husband on what we know best: how to have a good divorce! We are approximately half-way through our outline at this point. The first half was difficult to write, mostly because it required both of us to retell the story of our courtship, marriage, and the events that lead up to our last day as husband and wife. All of it is equally important so that our readers will understand how much personal development we went through to be able to have a “good divorce” and come out as friends in the end.
It’s as emotionally raw a story as can be told. I talk about the first time we met, our wedding day, the day we separated, and how I dealt with those feelings. As I typed, I felt myself in those feelings again — the good, the bad, and the ugly. And although re-living those feelings gave me the strength to write the book, I had to also realize that they were attached to things that happened in the past and are not a part of my current life, my present.
I’m up to the point in our story now where I talk about the catalyst for the i-love-me collection. It started with a ring I bought to replace my wedding band on my left ring finger. It was the pact I made with myself to heal my head and my heart and become whole again. It was my daily reminder to love myself even during the difficult times. Had it not been for my constant reminder (i.e., my new ring), I may have been tempted to re-live those feelings in my current reality and never truly move on.
As I finished typing that section, I wondered how many times we hold onto negative experiences of any kind and re-live them unnecessarily. It made me think about the impact those experiences have on our present life when we choose to constantly re-live them.
It’s called living in the past, which will keep you from experiencing life to the fullest if you go there too often. Some consideration of the past is helpful, like when you try to find the lessons in the experience. Otherwise, it’s a negative force that grows each time you give it power over your life. Over time, your past becomes your present, full of negative emotions and resentment.
Instead of obsessing over what has been, celebrate what is and what can be. Remember that the quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts so choose to make them good ones!
Ria
Topics: journeys to self-love | 1 Comment »
April 23rd, 2008 at 4:04 pm
As the ex-husband in Ria’s story, I take this opportunity to publicly thank her for the vision behind telling our story. And because of that vision I have made great strides in my own personal journey; strides that could only have been made through the difficult process of self-study and finally making peace with my past. This has been one of the hardest things for me to do as I was a notoriously private person. Eventually, she helped me understand that writing our story would be consistent with our respective needs to come to terms with the past. I was also made to understand that others would benefit from reading how a genuine friendship and love was re-kindled from the ashes of our divorce.
The path I have taken toward self-love and emotional growth is lined with great people who have shown me respect, love, friendship, forgiveness, and respect (Yes, I said that twice). And I am proud to say that Ria is one of those people without whom I would not be the better man I am today.
David E. Benedict